Heaven and Company
by mistaken.for LOVE
Summary: [Scariest triangle ever: SAKUNEJITEN] [Spoilers] GOD, a.k.a. Hyuuga Hiashi, gave Neji HEAVEN, a.k.a. Tenten. He ignores the package. [Much OOCness]


**Heaven and Company**  
A NEJITEN FIC BY mistaken.for LOVE

**Author's Notes:** Okay, so I don't have any idea how works, so... yeah. Forgive MFL if she makes a mistake? Oh, and "Tenten" means "panda", "sky", or "heaven." This whole thing is a pun. And it's post-Grass Country. Spoilers galore.

I haven't decided pairings_ yet_, but here's what I have in my mind (of doom):

(Goes from MAIN PAIRING to MINOR PAIRING—most are canon and all of them are het and a few triangles)  
SAKUNEJITEN (main pairing) (TRIANGLE) (But mostly NEJITEN)  
NARUHINAKIBA (secondary pairing) (TRIANGLE) (But mostly NARUHINA)  
LEETEN (very, very small hints)  
LEESAKU (this will be unrequited love, thanks)

And I'm not so sure about these…

GENSHI (again, not so positive) (Do people actually _want_ this?)  
SASUSAKU (Love it, but the problem with this is that I dunno _where_ to put it)

Leave a review if you wanna request a pairing. And then I'll _think_ about it.

**Disclaimer:** mistaken.for LOVE does not own Naruto, and she will never get her dirty hands on them. Because they belong to Kishimoto-sama. (BOWS DOWN TO BUBBLEGUM STATUE! ...And, well... yeah...) I need to sneeze. XD

**Summary:** GOD, a.k.a. HIASHI, gave NEJI HEAVEN, a.k.a. TENTEN. He ignored the package. (OOCness. Much OOCness.)

-&-

**Chapter One:**

_In Which Neji is Force Fed Ramen and Hiashi does Something about It_

-&-

_"When I look up to the sky between the narrow roofs, it reminds me of you: the one who is far, far away."_  
- Haruno Sakura

-&-

That Haruno woman was hitting him and shaking him, and he does admit that she hits hard. He can relate with Naruto now. If you were hit like that everyday, who _wouldn't_ lose brain cells? "So that's why Naruto's so dumb," he murmurs, not knowing that the wrath of a woman was scarier than Hell.

"HYUUGA NEJI, DID YOU HEAR A SINGLE WORD I SAID!" yells Sakura, once again shaking the poor Hyuuga. "I'm pregnant, stupid white-eyes-freak!" The customers at Ichiraku Ramen Bar were staring and pointing openly. Some of the older women were murmuring, "Poor child. She's only fourteen!"

"W-what!" Neji snapped out of his daydream and stares at Haruno for a long, long time. Impossible. Who the hell did she sleep with? Wasn't she on a mission to Grass Country a week ago? _My fucking God,_ Inner-Neji states horridly. _That fucking retard-Uchiha-kid raped her! No! It was that bastard Sai! Oh God, it was Yamato! No, Naruto! …Maybe it was that perverted sensei of theirs…_ "T-that's…"

"It's hard to see _the_ great Hyuuga Neji flustered," replies Sakura mysteriously as she flashed a smirk, waving her right hand. "I was just kidding. It's nice to know that Neji-kun cares for me. And I'm glad I caught your attention. What were you thinking about, anyways?" She waved her hands across his eyes, making him flinch. "A girl? A guy? A retarded, fucked-up mission that I went on a week ago and failed because…"

"You're not one to use profanities," mumbled the Hyuuga boy, not noticing the crying girl next to him.

"Er, sir?" asked Ayame uncertainly as she walked over to where the two were sitting. "Your girlfriend's weeping."

"She's not my girlfriend."

A tense silence followed (Sakura cried even harder and she was mumbling something like this: "Prodigies are so pathetic!"), and, once again, the people of Ichiraku Ramen Bar shook their heads at the so-called 'couple.'

"That boy is as dense as the Hokage Monument!" shouted an elderly woman.

"Burn him at the stake! Burn him at the stake! Burn him at the stake!" chanted a little boy beside her. "Can we, Grandma? Can we, can we, can we? Isn't that what other people accused you of when they thought you did witchcraft?"

The old grandmother's eyes turned hard and she growled and pointed at Neji, "YOU HAVE DONE EVIL!"

She pulled out a wooden club.

Neji dragged Sakura out of Naruto's beloved ramen bar.

-&-

"I'm sorry for the scary commotion," apologized Sakura earnestly when they were nearing the Hyuuga Manor. "And I'm sorry for catching your attention like _that_. And I'm sort of sorry for breaking down like that. And I'm also very sorry for dragging you to Ichiraku because that sexy pig-butt—" Neji raised his eyebrows at that comment "—was on a mission with Sexy-Smoke and Pleasant-Plump." He raised his other eyebrow at this. "And I'm sorry for you because people complain that I'm heavy. Also, I would like to say—"

"Nephew, I have something to discuss with you," boomed Hiashi's booming voice. "Say goodbye to whoever that girl is." A very confused pause. "Say… goodbye… to…? A girl?" Neji grimaced. "…NEPHEW, ARE YOU _DATING!_"

"This is all your fault, isn't it." The question sounded more of a statement than an inquiry. _Prodigies,_ whined Inner-Sakura,_ are all so evil…_

"No. Guess this is goodbye, then."

"My God, you make it sound like a dramatic, romantic chick-flick, Sakura."

"It's all sexy pig-butt's fault."

"I never knew you called Ino-san that."

"NEPHEW!"

"Coming, Hiashi-sama!"

Sakura waved goodbye and started off into the night. _Where does she live, anyways?_ muttered Inner-Neji.

Neji blinked. And blinked. And blinked some more.

"Crazy. Hanging out with crazy people makes you crazy."

He gracefully stepped into the Hyuuga Main Branch House to greet the leader while shaking his head. _We haven't gone crazy!_ cheered Inner-Neji happily. _Because I like ducks and yellow and I think Naruto's jumpsuit is cooler than anything in the world!_

"Nephew," said Hiashi gravely, "if you're dating, I'll have to see whoever that girl is. She cannot be interfering with your training as an elite shinobi. She has to be strong. And if you two decide to get married, she must uphold this Hyuuga family honor. She—"

"Isn't my girlfriend," cutoff Neji briskly. "She forced me to go to Ichiraku's because Ino-san went on a mission with Asuma-sensei and Chouji-san. And she force-fed me ramen. With shrimp. I think I'm allergic to shrimp. Do you know how strong she is? She punches like a hippopotamus. She _is_ a hippopotamus. But she's tiny. Really tiny. And a chuunin. But she's a medic. I thought medical ninja were supposed to _help_ people. She nearly killed me."

An embarrassed pause from Neji. A throat-clearing from Hiashi.

"…Hiashi-sama, am I acting strange?"

"…"

"Because if I am, it's not me."

"…Very well. Bring her here tomorrow."

"WHAT!"

"Nephew," said Hiashi very seriously, "don't make me use Divine Punishment."

"Y-yes, sir."

Hell is for Neji.

("A medic?" muttered Hiashi, stroking his nonexistent beard. "Aa, nephew has chosen well! I'll have to put this in the Konoha Morning Paper…")

-&-

"Sakura."

"Yeah?"

"Hiashi-sama requests me to take you to the Hyuuga Main House today."

"Uh-huh."

"He thinks we're boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Uh-huh."

"He suspects something."

"Uh-huh."

"Yosh. The power. Of youth." (He was trying, damn it!)

"Uh-huh."

"Ducks are cool."

"Uh-huh."

"Oy! White eyes freak! I don't think Sakura-chan wants to be bothered right now," interrupted the highly annoying voice of Sakura's highly annoying teammate. Naruto trotted to where the two were sitting (well, Sakura was sitting, reading a scroll, while Neji was standing, being highly annoyed) and grinned.

"You…" Naruto said after a strange pause, a blush splashed onto his cheeks. "You think… You think ducks are cool?"

Neji threw up his arms in exasperation.

"I GIVE UP!" he yelled to no one in particular. Yesterday and today were _so_ not his days. As he stormed away, Sakura made sure that he was far enough from hearing-distance before whispering to Naruto, "What's _his_ problem?"

The (finally!) taller shinobi grinned and replied with, "I don't know, Sakura-chan. I really don't know."

Of course, Naruto was _genius_, and _Future Hokage_, and so he overheard everything—_naturally._ "Yosh! I'm gonna make that white eyes freak fall in love with Sakura-chan! Kukukukuku!"

A slap. A cry of pain. A murderous atmosphere.

"STOP LAUGHING LIKE A PINCUSHION, IDIOT."

"Can pincushions laugh?"

Naruto fell unconscious to the ground.

God.

-&-

"Oy, hag! Did you read the morning paper today?" Sai ran up to his teammate while she was walking down the daily market, not noticing the strange stares that the people were giving her.

"I thought you were supposed to be _bonding_, Sai, not _insulting_," snapped Sakura. She inspected a ripening tomato and immediately set it down.

"I thought you hated tomatoes."

"I do. That's why I put it down. No duh. You need that book. What was it called again? _How to Notice Other People's Actions 101_?"

"You're cruel. So I won't be showing you the paper."

"READ. IT. TO. ME."

"Fine." A throat-clearing. A tremble of anticipating fingers. "Ah-hem. _Hyuuga Neji Gets Girlfriend?_—that's the title, by the way. _Yesterday at the Ichiraku Ramen Bar, approximately at 6:30 p.m., we have witnessed the proof that Hyuuga Neji—second-to-first icebox—has, surprisingly, a **girlfriend**. Yes. A **girlfriend**. Who is this lucky girl? One helpful hint: she has pi—_"

Sakura paled visibly. Sai noticed.

"You're lucky. I know how you did it! You used your fore—"

"WHO WROTE THAT STUPID ARTICLE, SAI!"

"Erm…"

"WHO."

"Are you going to kill that person?" When he got no reaction, he added, "Hag?"

Silence. Staring from the villagers. Snickering.

"HAG?"

Kakashi suddenly poofed into the area. "Sakura-chan isn't here. Look around."

Sai did. There was no one there.

"Nice knowing you, Kakashi-san."

"Yea. Me too."

"Life was nice. Even though it was sort of boring. And dull. And emotionless. Yeah. It's all good." A fake smile. Twitching of fingers.

Awkward silence from Kakashi. A sigh. A head-slapping. Finally:

"…you… wanna… go squirrel-watching with Lee and Gai?"

"And skip my death-sentence? Sure. Yes. That would be… _excellent_…Fufufu. Fu. Fu."

"You sound scary like that."

-&-

Sakura was mad. She was _really _mad. Who actually dared to write a newspaper article paper about _that_? Whoever _did_ such a tragic thing would be dead, and she could almost taste the victory…

"Haruno, please get your mouth off of my shirt. Hiashi-sama would kill me. Literally."

Oh. Neji.

Stupid Neji.

Stupid inanimate object she tripped on.

"Heh heh heh… A-heh heh heh…"

"'Heh heh heh…' Stop that! You're scaring me. What's wrong? I should put a restraining order on you or something." Sakura's fake smile darkened as she tried to keep it on. Eyebrows—twitching. Not good.

"H-hi, Neji! D-did you by any chance read the m-m-m-morning p-p-paper? Please, please, _please_ tell me you didn't!"

"No. I didn't. Stop trying to act like Hinata-sama."

A shaky sigh of relief.

"Did you know that all the women in the Main House fell for complete, idiotic jerks?" Neji growled and continued to rant. "Hinata-sama's mother, for example. Well, actually, I think it was an arranged marriage… but who cares? As long as she had Hinata-sama, it doesn't really matter. So, as I was saying: Hinata-sama is in _love_ with _Naruto!_ Can you believe that _absurd_ idea? A-and, HANABI-SAMA! Did you know that she has a crush on _Konohamaru!_ There's something wrong with that. Can you picture _Hanabi_ and _Konohamaru_ together? That's just not right. I mean, what happened to the ruthless kunoichi she was? She's a _pansy_, now!"

Dead, quiet silence.

"Er, Neji?" Sakura poked her two front fingers together. "Didn't Hiashi-sama want me today?"

"…Oh."

"And, Neji?" The shocked girl let out a breathless laugh. "Did you hang out with Ino by any chance? You were just ranting. A minute ago, I mean."

"Impossible," shot Neji haughtily. "A Hyuuga does not _rant_."

Awkward silence.

Neji coughs.

"Come here. We'll see Hiashi-sama."

"_Wonderful_," muttered Sakura under her breath. "Just _wonderful_."

"Slug-girl!"

"Aw, shut it!"

-&-

Hiashi was drumming his fingers against the floor impatiently. What happened to his nephew and his girlfriend, again? Weren't they supposed to be here _now?_

Wait.

Never mind.

The mighty Hyuuga Clan—the clan leader, too—did _not_ get impatient. No. Never. Never ever ever. NEVER, I TELL YOU.

"NEPHEW!" Hiashi finally roared. "Where in the name of—"

"I'm here with Haruno," said-nephew stated dully, looking Hiashi straight in the eye. He then sighed and glanced at Sakura, who was busying herself with looking at the large room.

"Haruno, meet Hiashi-sama. Hiashi-sama, meet Haruno. Sakura, I mean."

"It's _Sakura_, thank you very much," replied Sakura tartly. "It's not _Haruno_. Anything _but _Haruno. You can call me Sakura, Sakura-chan, Sakura-kun, Sakura-san, but _not_ Haruno, Hyuuga. You dig?"

"'Dig'?"

Sakura sat down and rubbed at her temples. "What kind of prison have you been locked in for the last fifteen years? Honestly, it's called _dialect_. Or slang. Like… I don't know. Common language? Sheesh! As much as I suck right now, even _I_ know."

Neji copied her move and arched his eyebrow at her and turned to Hiashi, who was still drumming his fingers against the floor, listening to his nephew's so-called love interest. Was she always this annoying? She was _yelling_ at a _Hyuuga_. She must have nerves of steel.

"Ah-hem. Hiashi-sama, why did you wanna—I mean, _want_ to—see us again? I don't believe you told us—_me_. I…?"

("Ooooh," taunted Sakura slyly, smirking. "Look! Hyuuga-_kun_ is learning how to _speak_! Kudos for him!")

Hiashi looked from Sakura to Neji, and simply stated, "You two are girlfriend and boyfriend."

And Sakura froze and spluttered violently. Neji's right eye twitched and he clenched and unclenched his fist, over and over again. Sakura was the first who broke the (awkward) silence.

"'Cuse me," she said with a much-forced cheerful voice, "but, _what_?"

"You heard me," the older Hyuuga replied.

"No." Sakura shook her head and stood up abruptly. "No, no, no, no, _no_. I thought that was just _gossip_! I-I mean…"

Neji stood up too and finished for her, "A shinobi should concentrate more on training and missions than… _dating_. That is only for the pathetic excuses for shinobi who signed a contract with Death."

"…."

Sakura could tell that this would be a long, long night.

-&-

Tenten… _wasn't_ the best of the best when it came to cooking. She with her mother and father in a small apartment with all the necessary accessories and she liked simplicity (but on her _face_ was another story). Heck, some people who didn't know her status as a kunoichi even called her narcissistic! But did they know Yamanaka Ino? No. They didn't.

Oh, sure. She was awesome at pinpointing and targeting, but _cooking_? No, thank you. Save it for the sob-kunoichi who suck at everything and only wanted to impress Uchiha Sasuke. _That_ bastard.

Anyways, back on topic.

So, Tenten was cooking, right? Her parents were away, and most of the times, her mother cooked for the family. And, that leads to the fact that Tenten couldn't cook to save her life, which led to the inquiry of "why in the seven hells"—which is a stupid expression because were there _really_ **_seven_** hells?—"was she doing with a strange object in her hands?"

I don't know.

Go ask her.

So! Back to main discussion.

The girl didn't know how to cook, plain and simple. And after a few minutes of poking around, something horrible happened.

Goodbye, house. Welcome, big-fire-of-doom.

Oh, joy.

-&-

Sakura pursed her lips together tightly and turned to face the door—a.k.a. her get-of-of-jail card. Which was nice, because spending valuable time with that Hyuuga and that other Hyuuga was quite annoying, as _that_ boy used to call her.

"Bye, and have fun!" she chirped and before she ran two steps, the Big Hyuuga shouted out to her,

"Haruno-san, it would be an honor if you could live with us for two months."

And, knowing the kind of girl Sakura was, she halted in her tracks. _Two_ months—in _this_ place? No, she'd suffocate with the politics and _rules_ and _policies_ of the house. But… it _was_ big… and spacey… and her house was getting _quite _boring… and, once again, _annoying_.

"Sakura," her mother would say, "why are you being a kunoichi? That… Sasuke-boy already left, so you don't have to impress him anymore. Heaven knows, you could… _die_…" And then she would burst into tears and continue heartbrokenly, "This… is… so… _stupid!_"

Then again, if she _did_ stay in this suffocating, _dark abyss _(1)of a place, all the Nej Fangirls would hunt her down and kill her.

Yes?

No?

Oh, Sakura was never good at choosing.

She turned nervously to the two Hyuuga men (could you classify Neji as a _man_?) and studied their expressions and eyes. After all, you know what they say! Eyes are the windows to the soul.

Unfortunately, Sakura temporarily forgot that the two men were masters at masking emotions, but The Evil One smiled a scary smile while The Even More Evil One had a look of horror plastered all over his face (what happened to camouflaging emotions?).

The Evil One (who could now be called The Master of All Evilness) announced with a hint of pride in his voice, "Welcome to the Hyuuga Family."

Sakura failed to understand that it was a mental contest.

Poor, poor soul.

-&-

Tenten bought some clothes at the market after the kitchen incident and scribbled a hasty note to her parents, who (hopefully) wouldn't freak out if they saw the note before they saw the house.

So, now the ultimate question: who in hell to stay with?

Not Lee. Definitely _not_ Lee OR Gai. She would die within a day.

Sakura? No: she wasn't so close with her.

Ino? No way in hell. Not the girlyness.

Naruto? Kakashi? Asumagenmatsunadeshinokibashikamaruchoujihinata—

Hinata? Hinata! That girl was kind, wasn't she? She wouldn't hurt a fly! Well, unless she was on a mission or something, but who really cared? TENTEN HAD A HOME!

Well, she _did_ feel like that she was taking advantage on that poor girl, but hey! She at least knew her cousin, so everything was a-OK!

Sort of. Not really.

-&-

REVIEW NO JUTSU!


End file.
